{"id":10245,"date":"2019-09-20T22:44:40","date_gmt":"2019-09-20T22:44:40","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/laidlawsandbox.com\/joanne-modica-interiors\/2019\/09\/20\/2019-9-20-clearing-the-emotional-path-to-solo-home-design\/"},"modified":"2020-08-27T20:54:40","modified_gmt":"2020-08-27T20:54:40","slug":"clearing-the-emotional-path-to-solo-home-design","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/laidlawsandbox.com\/joanne-modica-interiors\/clearing-the-emotional-path-to-solo-home-design\/","title":{"rendered":"Clearing the Emotional Path to Solo Home Design"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Let\u2019s start by acknowledging many of the outward reasons we often don\u2019t move forward with improving our home (outside of actual budget issues):<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>My home will never look like those pictures<\/li>\n<li>I don\u2019t know where to start<\/li>\n<li>I don\u2019t know my style<\/li>\n<li>It\u2019ll be too expensive<\/li>\n<li>I don\u2019t want someone else\u2019s style<\/li>\n<li>It\u2019s intimidating<\/li>\n<li>I don\u2019t have the confidence to know what I want<\/li>\n<li>I don\u2019t know all of the \u201crules\u201d of design; I won\u2019t do it right<\/li>\n<li>I\u2019m overwhelmed by the amount of options<\/li>\n<li>My style is changing but I don\u2019t know how to bridge to my current taste<\/li>\n<li>What I have is good enough<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>The list goes on. It\u2019s exhausting and you\u2019re still looking at the cabinet fronts you\u2019ve hated since you moved in.<\/p>\n<p>But there\u2019s a word that is probably undercutting everything:<\/p>\n<h4><strong>Deserve.<\/strong><\/h4>\n<p>Wait\u2026what\u2019s this psychological stuff doing in a design blog? Simple. I, and many of my interior designer friends, know the reality of working with clients on changing their homes is there\u2019s a lot of emotional stuff that comes up \u2013 sometimes overt, sometimes showing itself in hesitancy or indecision. And many of my clients who are single women find themselves circling around the issue of whether or not they deserve to have a place they really love; one that\u2019s an extension of how they see themselves.<\/p>\n<p>We\u2019ll get to the practical and pretty parts of doing some interior design changes on your own in more depth later (you can start with my <a href=\"https:\/\/joannemodica.com\/5-steps-to-overcoming-home-design-anxiety\">5 Steps to Overcome Home Design Anxiety<\/a>.) It\u2019s helpful to know that so many people put up with broken doors or tiles from the 60\u2019s or the accent wall that doesn&#8217;t go with anything anymore simply because they aren\u2019t in the business of equating creating a home they love with giving themselves what they deserve.<\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019re 50+, there\u2019s been a lot of time for you to define yourself by your job or your family or to be defined by others. You\u2019re also likely at a time when you have the need and desire to redefine yourself and be full-throated about who you are at this stage of life. But you hesitate because you\u2019re still not sure you deserve to spend your hard-earned resources on yourself. You may shop for clothes or trinkets or get a mani-pedi on a regular basis. That\u2019s low hanging fruit. We\u2019re talking about a project that could take time and thought. You would be spending real time and money on something just for you, that is all about you.<\/p>\n<p>Deserve is a word that is fraught. For a lot of women, it feels defiant, like you have to fight for this \u2018thing.\u2019 And sometimes you do. Other times it brings on guilt. We think we don\u2019t deserve something if it\u2019s more than a loved one has or if people might think we\u2019re too fancy. Does this sound like you? Well, deserving is not a pie. Just because you have some does not mean that others have less, or that they want a slice of the exact same thing. A client was thinking about reupholstering her sofa (that had a stain on it the size of her late dog). She wanted a luscious mohair. But she could not give me the \u2018go\u2019, because her mother would think it was too decadent to spend money on. She had the funds, she had the desire, but she didn&#8217;t think she deserved it.<\/p>\n<p>She finally got the sofa and her mother said once it was \u2018lovely and it looks like you\u2019, and never mentioned it again. It turned out to be an affirmation, not a criticism, after all. So, let\u2019s take all the negative out of the word. Let\u2019s see it as the culmination of years of education, hard work, care-taking (probably multi-generations worth), mentoring, going with the majority, putting things off because you weren\u2019t ready, learning to handle your finances, copious amounts of \u2018I\u2019m sorry\u2019s\u2019 and embracing setting boundaries on where to put your energies. Some of this adds up to a huge amount of time and effort spent going away from you.<\/p>\n<p>It took me months to get this blog post started and done. I didn\u2019t want to do a blog on \u2018The 10 Best IKEA Hacks\u2019. I felt it would be more productive to write about the nontangible things my clients and peers go through. It\u2019s easy to see the beautiful draperies, the comfy sofa or the custom cabinetry. What you don\u2019t see is the angst that went with it. I was hesitant to start a blog with this subject; I thought a lot of people would think it was weird and what was I doing. But I also thought it would be helpful to some people, and decided to focus on that. There\u2019s more to decision-making than what color of paint, especially if you\u2019re doing it on your own and it\u2019s not your usual territory and there\u2019s money involved and you want it but think it may be perceived as frivolous.<\/p>\n<p>I know turning around your mindset takes time. I hope this is a start. And I hope to share lots more info with you as you embrace \u2018deserve\u2019 and all the good that comes with it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Let\u2019s start by acknowledging many of the outward reasons we often don\u2019t move forward with improving our home (outside of actual budget issues): My home will never look like those pictures I don\u2019t know where to start I don\u2019t know [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[181],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-10245","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-design-anxiety"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Clearing the Emotional Path to Solo Home Design - Joanne Modica Interiors<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Clearing the Emotional Path to Solo Home Design - 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